The thing about disappointment is that it is a mental state of events. We image, we pursue, we either get it or we don’t. If we do it may not live up to our expectations and if not then we will never know. Either way, it can lead you to a depth of despair. It's a horrible emotion to feel and yet we all do. How can we lessen the pain of disappointment?
I’ve suffered a lot of disappointment over the years, in other people, situations and especially myself. No disappointment is equal either. Still, it's hard to shake the feeling and for me, it can last weeks even months before I recover and move on. I have noticed this year that I seemed to cope better with setbacks than I ever have before. This is how I’ve been dealing with it when it has arisen.
Acknowledge your grief
Give yourself time to comes to terms with the disappointment, regardless of how small it is, it mattered to you or you wouldn’t feel down about it. Take the time to accept what has happened. Be kind to yourself, whatever brings a bit of comfort and happiness to you, use it. You’ll know when you’re ready to start moving on from the upset and you're ready to rationalise it.
Rationalise it
This is the most difficult process because it's accepting that it wasn’t to be or that you could try again. For me, I often realise that the world continues to turn. Will it matter in a month, a year time? The worse hasn’t happened before I didn’t get what I wanted. There are still other things to feel good about and not to fixate on this one thing.
Can there be a silver lining?
The worse lessons can bring the greatest clarity. I wouldn’t ever want to repeat 2018 but I'm grateful for the lessons it taught me. It took a long time for me to be grateful for the experience because it was so incredibly painful but without it, I wouldn’t have achieved my greatest wishes. It taught me to have faith. Whatever you take from that, trust something good will come as of a consequence. It’s leading you on a path that you are meant to be on. Often the things that I wanted in life, I realise now would have made me miserable. Quite frankly it's just not something I would want for myself now but you couldn’t have told me that back then when I wanted it. And I sobbed hard when I realised I wasn’t going to get it. But I’m now so grateful I didn’t get those things. Ultimately I want to be happy. I feel everything continues to shift to achieve that wish.
Check yourself do you need help? Counselling, coaching, self-healing?
If you’re still struggling to comes to terms with your disappointment - that’s ok. You may need to seek outside help to get you through. There are different levels of disappointment and sometimes it can lead to real despair. Just be kind to yourself and seek whatever support you need.
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